Sometimes I find that I put too much pressure on myself. I don’t want to be that mum who doesn’t have her shit together. Obviously my friends any family know that I’m winging it every day, but I like to give off the vibe that I’m cool and collected.
Of course I don’t worry about it if I’m just running to the supermarket, to a baby class or just out to walk the hound. Quite happy to look like a dogs dinner then! But I have noticed that there are some places in particular that I want to seem in control.
I had a hair appointment the other day. It was my first since October last year, so around 7 months. I made sure I washed my hair, even though I knew it would be washed at the salon that afternoon, as I didn’t want the hair dresser to think that I didn’t look after myself. I straightened it, despite not having done that for weeks.
And then I looked in the mirror.
My hair was fine, but my eyebrows needed serious attention. For some unknown reason I have extremely fair eyebrows so it tends to look like they don’t exist. My hair isn’t particularly light so I find it can look pretty silly. I am a big fan of brow make up to make myself look a little more human, but I also get them tinted as often as possible.
On this particular day it had been a while since they had been done, and I was suddenly hyper aware of it. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t face going to the hair dresser without my brows done. Thankfully I keep tint at home and within 10 minutes they were all done and ready to rock, but that is besides the point.
What did I think was going to happen? That the hairdresser would openly mock me for my invisible brows? That he would judge me as a person? As a mother?
Why is it that I am convinced that something as simple as having my make-up on will make it look like I am rocking motherhood? I know that I don’t look at appearances as a judge of character, so why do I believe others would do so to me?
I think it comes down to the judgement we openly get day to day. Other people opinions on how to chose to feed your baby, your discipline techniques or how you allow them to spend their spare time. There seems to be so much judgement out there, and so I cling on to the vain little things that I can control. Like my eyebrows.
I probably sounds completely insane right now, but I thought I would just share how something so simple can make a difference. I walked into the hairdresser confident and sure in myself. If all it takes for me to feel that way is to straighten my hair and tint my eyebrows then that’s exactly what I’m going to do.