What if…. its a funny old question and sometimes a dangerous game to play! I try not to think about it too much, I don’t see the point in considering what could have been. But recently it has felt quite relevant for Piglet and I.
In March last year, 4 days before my wedding, I lost my job. I was devastated. It came as no surprise, 300 people in my company were being made redundant and I was definitely in a role that was not required for the company to function. I hated my job, but it doesn’t make being shown the door any easier.
I took it on the chin and held my head high. I started looking for a job straight away, but the industry is struggling and there wasn’t much going. And then I found out I was pregnant with Piglet.
What if I hadn’t lost my job? I suffered with with morning sickness for a significant amount of time, the first trimester being the worst. How would I have coped in the workplace being so unwell? I wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret till 12 weeks that for sure.
What if I had a job to go back to? Piglet is 8 months old now and I would be thinking of returning to work. I literally cannot imagine how I would have done that. I love spending time with him at home. I moan and am horrifically unproductive at times, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
What if I went back part time? What if I went back full time? Its a really tough decision to make and I don’t envy those who’ve had to do it, or are going through it now.
If I had a job to return to, I think I would be asking to go back part time. I can’t imagine having to give up a full 5 days a week with Piglet, so a few days may have suited me better.
In my previous role I started by 7am. This is normal in the industry and those who started after 8am are in the minority. That said, if I was returning now I’d have to have changed all of that as there is very little in the way of child care options for such an early start.
And then there is child care itself. When I was pregnant we looked into nursery fees and just about passed out – wowser it is expensive!! My salary would have covered it but with very little in the way of money left over.
What if Piglet had crawled for the first time while under someone else’s care? I have no idea how I would take that.
What if I had to give up breast feeding earlier than we felt ready with? In my original “plan” I actually thought I’d have stopped breastfeeding by now, but we haven’t. I’m sure the end will come in the next few months, but I’m lucky that we are able to choose when is right to us. We don’t have the deadline looming.
I think the working mum’s are incredible. I’m sure they have their good days and bad days, just like I do. They dig deep every day to juggle a career and a family. Getting the best of both worlds – and some actual real life adult conversation!
For now, we are going to put the “what if’s” to bed. You cannot change the past. And right now I definitely wouldn’t want to.
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