What if…..

What if…. its a funny old question and sometimes a dangerous game to play! I try not to think about it too much, I don’t see the point in considering what could have been. But recently it has felt quite relevant for Piglet and I.

What If | Reflections on what could have been. Life right now is great as a stay at home mum, what would it have been like as a working mum?

In March last year, 4 days before my wedding, I lost my job. I was devastated. It came as no surprise, 300 people in my company were being made redundant and I was definitely in a role that was not required for the company to function. I hated my job, but it doesn’t make being shown the door any easier.

I took it on the chin and held my head high. I started looking for a job straight away, but the industry is struggling and there wasn’t much going. And then I found out I was pregnant with Piglet.

What if I hadn’t lost my job? I suffered with with morning sickness for a significant amount of time, the first trimester being the worst. How would I have coped in the workplace being so unwell? I wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret till 12 weeks that for sure.

What if I had a job to go back to? Piglet is 8 months old now and I would be thinking of returning to work. I literally cannot imagine how I would have done that. I love spending time with him at home. I moan and am horrifically unproductive at times, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.

What if I went back part time? What if I went back full time? Its a really tough decision to make and I don’t envy those who’ve had to do it, or are going through it now.

If I had a job to return to, I think I would be asking to go back part time. I can’t imagine having to give up a full 5 days a week with Piglet, so a few days may have suited me better.

In my previous role I started by 7am. This is normal in the industry and those who started after 8am are in the minority. That said, if I was returning now I’d have to have changed all of that as there is very little in the way of child care options for such an early start.

And then there is child care itself. When I was pregnant we looked into nursery fees and just about passed out – wowser it is expensive!! My salary would have covered it but with very little in the way of money left over.

What if Piglet had crawled for the first time while under someone else’s care? I have no idea how I would take that.

What if I had to give up breast feeding earlier than we felt ready with? In my original “plan” I actually thought I’d have stopped breastfeeding by now, but we haven’t. I’m sure the end will come in the next few months, but I’m lucky that we are able to choose when is right to us. We don’t have the deadline looming.

I think the working mum’s are incredible. I’m sure they have their good days and bad days, just like I do. They dig deep every day to juggle a career and a family. Getting the best of both worlds – and some actual real life adult conversation!

For now, we are going to put the “what if’s” to bed. You cannot change the past. And right now I definitely wouldn’t want to.

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  1. // Reply

    Totally agree – working mums are amazing! I was part-time and if I go back I will stay part-time. This is such a precious time, I’d hate to miss out. #bestandworst

    1. // Reply

      part time really does seem to be the best of both worlds!

  2. // Reply

    Its so easy to fall into this trap. Life is a nonstop road full of turns that we take. Every one leading us to who knows where. All we can do is enjoy the ride #bestandworst
    jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…Party Planning Made EasyMy Profile

    1. // Reply

      That’s certainly what I’m trying to do!

  3. // Reply

    There are always what ifs but I often think things are meant to be. It really sounds like your job was one of them as it has always worked out for the best. I will be back at work next year and juggling again. I often think what if I stayed at home? But then I know I need best of both. See what happens next eh? Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x
    Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap recently posted…Best and Worst Week #74My Profile

    1. // Reply

      I go by the whole “What’s for you won’t go by you” mantra, and that generally keeps the what ifs at bay!

  4. // Reply

    ‘What if’ is a dangerous game to play but it sounds like your what if’s are working out just fine.
    You’ve got me thinking about my own what if’s now 🙂

    1. // Reply

      Don’t do it! Stay away from the what ifs!!

  5. // Reply

    Im a big believer that everything happens for a reason and that the trials we face in life is ones that the universe knows we can handle. Well done on how far you’ve come despite the circumstances X #thepod

    1. // Reply

      It is the weirdest feeling when they tell you! I don’t regret a thing though, I love being at home with Piglet – even on the tough days!

  6. // Reply

    What ifs can be dangerous but in your case it looks like it all points to things having worked out for the best even if you didn’t know it at the time. I’m a strong believer in living for the now rather than wondering what if and feel things happen for a reason even if we don’t understand it till years later x

  7. // Reply

    It is certainly a hard decision to make. I have worked anything from 18.5 hours to 30 hours a week but we were lucky with the childcare – a mixture of nursery, husbands shifts sos was free during the week and grandparents. But I feel you have to go with what suits you now. I have stayed in my job for the past 8 years because the flexi has suited our situation. Good luck with finding your next steps. #PicknMix

    1. // Reply

      It’s great that you have such a flexible situation! I hope when Piglet is in school I will find something that I can do around that and only need minimal childcare

  8. // Reply

    I can completely relate to this post. I lost my job when I told my boss I was pregnant with Leo. We found ourselves expecting with less money and it was a horrible time. It actually turned out to be a good thing thiugh as I have been able to be a stay at home mum for the past 3years and my husband is now in a well paid job so we have no money worries. I do often wonder what if though, I think we all do at some point don’t we? Sounds like it was all for the best for you too as you have got to be at home with Piglet xx #picknmix
    Wendy recently posted…My nappy bag essentials – featuring Sudocrem Care and Protect reviewMy Profile

    1. // Reply

      A pretty similar situation! It all works out in the end though doesn’t it – just not always in the way you thought it would

    1. // Reply

      I plan to go back part time eventually, but will take a few years at home first

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